Like many brain injury patients, I take a lot of drugs. These are all prescription drugs, mind you, and my neurologist insists I need every dose of every medication. 

How many? No idea. Stay here and I’ll count. (While you’re waiting, I’ll give you a topic: “Former SNL player Mike Myers’ character Linda Richmond was hilarious.” Discuss.)

And we’re back. As of this typing, there are five pills in the morning, four (vitamins mostly) and an anti-osteoporosis injection at midday, 11 pills before bed and a final one in the middle of the night when I wake up to pee.

Sorry, oversharing comes with the territory. If you’re still reading, I guess that’s okay with you. If not, no big whoop, as Linda Richmond would say. We’ll get together, we’ll have coffee, we’ll talk.

Anyhoo, it’s that overnight dose that brings me to the actual topic of this post, the Pants Method.

As you might imagine, I have trouble with my memory, what with the brain injury, so I often give myself weird little reminders of who’s who, what’s what, etc.

In this case, there’s a pill that boosts my lagging level of thyroid hormone, and it is not to be taken within—what? A couple of hours? Maybe less?—of foods containing calcium.

Well, I not only tolerate lactose, I adore it, so it only makes sense(?) to swallow that pill when I inevitably wake up for my middle-of-the-night potty party.

Before I hit on my Pants Method (patent pending forever), I sometimes would be uncertain the next morning whether I’d taken the drug or not. 

Couldn’t I simply count the pills, you may ask, maybe purchase a separate pill divider for that prescription? Sure, those sound like great ideas, now that I’ve just had them. 

Too late! The Pants Method is in my routine, and routine is a super-important helper for brain injury patients.

The method is simple: When I wake up in the middle of the night, the first thing I do is take off my pajama pants. (Actually that’s the second thing. First I have to slither out of my CPAP headset.) 

Next, I pick up the travel-size container from my bedside and give it a shake to make sure I haven’t already taken the pill. I ingest my final med of the day in the bathroom with a swig of water and take care of business. Then it’s a quick wash of the hands and back to bed, husband and CPAP.

Genius, am I right?

Well, it was bitterly cold overnight last night, and I had apparently tried to put my PJ pants back on while lying in bed, ending up with both heavily socked feet in one pant leg before falling back to sleep.

This morning I gave my pill container a panicked shake. 

Empty. Whew.

My husband asked me what was wrong.

“I thought I forgot to take my thyroid pill, but now I remember taking my pants off, so it’s okay,” I told him.

I don’t know if I should be mad that he didn’t know what I was talking about or happy that we both ended up laughing.